So the first week or so after bringing Noah home went SO well. He slept, we slept, and billy slept. Billy was a good boy thanks to all the sleep he was getting. The world was wonderful!

Those days are (mostly) over.

Billy has decided that 515-530 is a new fun time to start the day. Yay! And, for the last week, Billy (who normally asks for "night night" and goes easily to sleep) has been bawling his eyes out for EVERY nap and EVERY bedtime. I thought teething. Nope. I thought maybe he's having a hard time adjusting to having a baby around. Still possible but probably not. I thought maybe the time change has done some serious damage. Not sure it's a main culprit, but it definitely isn't helping the situation. Why on earth is my sweet boy going crazy?!?!

2 days ago I discovered a hole in his paci. More than a hole. A big gash. He chewed through it! I was immediately hopeful: no wonder he is having a hard time! He can't soothe himself to sleep because his paci is broken! Then, i got worried.

About 6 months ago when we left his paci at home and tried to get him to use an identical paci. He refused it. He knew it wasn't "his" paci. He must have sucked his paci to the perfect softness. Or, as kyle put it, "seasoned" it. YUCK! You see, instead of doing what good parents do and throwing away pacis every few months, we had let him have the same paci for a year (we're not nominated for any parent of the year awards...). AND instead of using that opportunity to either break him of the paci or get him used to using another paci, we continued to let him use the old paci (don't worry, we sanitized it...sometimes...).

The day had come. His old friend had to be tossed. CRAP.

I decided to remain hopeful, and let him use an identical paci. Same situation as before. Complete refusal.

So here we are. Through no choice of our own, we are weaning billy from a paci SO much earlier than we had ever planned. We wanted to wait till he was old enough to understand that he didn't need the paci anymore. He's definitely not there yet. Now he needs to find a new way to soothe, and here is where the real issue starts...

Kyle and I have always said we won't rock our kids to sleep. Rather, we decided we wouldn't allow the rocking to be a necessity (we've rocked him many times, we're not completely heartless). Guess what happens to be the only thing that will peacefully get our little man to sleep...yup.

But we're sticking to our guns. For one week we will be letting him figure out how to soothe himself to sleep. This involves a fair amount of crying, and whining...and not from just billy. It's so hard to hear him cry. But i think it's going to work. We let him cry/whine for 20 minutes, then we go and comfort him, then we repeat. Last night it took 40 minutes to get to bed. He woke up in the middle of the night and it took about an hour to fall back asleep. I know it's a controversial way to do things, and I know it sounds harsh. Trust me. Half of my brain is saying "just go rock the poor kid! he's only little for so long! he needs you!" And the other half is saying "he needs to be able to comfort himself. He's old enough. You're not killing him." I know he needs consistency though, so this is how it is going to be for at least one week. At which point we'll reevaluate.

I knew this would be really hard emotionally, but i didn't really expect it to be so hard physically. See, billy woke up at 315. He eventually fell back to sleep around 415, at which point Noah was awake and ready to eat. Around 505, Noah was back to sleep and I crawled in to bed. 520 rolls around and Billy is up and ready to start his day. I can't wait for nap time :o)

I know this won't last. Things will get better again. It could be so much worse. Instead of a fussy or colicy infant, I have the worlds most calm and easy baby. Thank God for that!

Moose is almost on the loose!

So i went to see the midwives today. They don't typically check you, but i asked if she would strip my membranes to try to get things going. As she was stripping them she said "My goodness, girl. You're like 4.5 or 5 cm and very stretchy. I bet i could throw you into labor today!" Whoa. I've wanted moose to make his arrival for a week or so now, but now i'm freaking out a little. VERY soon my little billy will instantly become a big billy. He'll grow from an only child to a big brother without even knowing it. He'll have to share his mommy's (and daddy') attention and affection... So we spent the rest of the morning playing and cuddling and hugging as much as we could. I know he won't remember his last days/moments as an only child, but I will. It makes me tear up. I know we'll all adjust, but it still makes me sad to think about. I pray kyle and i can do enough to make sure billy doesn't feel alone, or like he's been put in 2nd place. I pray we can do a good job at sharing our time, attention and affection equally with both boys. I have been told it will all work out, but i want to make sure we actively work on it.

I'm so emotional, and it's about to get worse :o)

Let the good news keep coming!!

Billy had his "early intervention" evaluation yesterday with Denver Options. Denver Options early intervention program is basically designed to help children who are behind in regards to milestones. The idea is that the sooner you address the issue, the sooner you can start to fix it. Billy's pediatrician thought that he might be behind in his speech/language skills, so he referred us to them. He wanted to be especially proactive given billy's epilepsy. When i spoke to a representative from denver options, she decided that due to his condition, he should be evaluated in all areas of development (cognitive, gross motor, fine motor, language etc...). We went through the evaluation and they basically said "sorry, we can't treat him. he's RIGHT ON TARGET!!" Yay!!! He hasn't fallen behind at all!! That's such great news, b/c epilepsy (and i'm sure any condition involving the brain) typically has a pretty significant effect on development, specifically cognitive development. I don't think Kyle and I could be more psyched (except for when we heard he didn't have a metabolic disorder)! It feels like such a weight has been lifted! God has been (and continues to be) very, VERY good to us!

Reflecting

Today was Billy's second Easter. I was thinking today about how different this Easter was compared to last Easter. Most obviously, Billy has gotten MUCH bigger and so independent. Last Easter he was only a few days old and was held 90% of the time. This year, he wanted to crawl all over the place and didn't want to sit still for more than 30 seconds! Kyle and I have changed a lot too. This time last year we were so insecure about our every move as parents, and doubted ourselves constantly. This year, we move fluidly through every situation, and rely on each other when one of us gets that insecure feeling. Maybe I should have noticed these things more around his birthday, but there was so much going on. I think now that he has been cleared of any metabolic disease/disorder (thank the Lord), my mind is much clearer :o) This year brought so many struggles, but together as a family, we dealt with everything much better than I would have thought. It has brought Kyle and I even closer. And it has most definitely strengthened our bond with and faith in God. Although I am still racked with anxiety about how another little one will change our world, I find comfort in our new "abilities" and especially in our faith in God. We can do everything in Him who gives us strength.

Okay, serious portion over :o) Here are some updates:

Billy got his 3rd tooth today! It's on the top, to the left of the middle. How silly that will look if it fully makes it's way through before the other 3! Then we might have to call him hill billy :o)

My daytime sickness seems to have disappeared. However, night sickness has taken it's place. I feel pretty nauseous every night right around bedtime. Screw you, hormones! Not baby, HORMONES! :o) (knocked-up, anyone?)

Kyle and I were hoping for a few weeks for this little bambino to be a girl, but we've sort-of flip-flopped. Of course EVERYONE says they just want a healthy baby, doesn't matter if it's a boy or a girl. Duh. But honestly, we don't have a preference this time. We're thinking we want a girl eventually, so if this is her, GREAT! But, Billy also NEEDS a baby brother to rough house with...so if this is a boy, GREAT! So, waiting for the gender ultrasound is really not something I am counting down to. All it will really do is determine how i decorate his/her room (b/c the grandparents will go crazy buying anything else we'd need). And I don't even want to think about what effort that would take right now...i'm exhausted. Always. Naps are my favorite.

Like i briefly mentioned before, Billy has been cleared of any metabolic disorder. So officially he has "non-categorical epilepsy." Basically all we can do is assume that his brain was/is growing at such a rapid rate that "wires" got crossed, resulting in seizure activity. Hopefully in november we can discuss taking him off his meds :o) This is also a great diagnosis b/c now we can stop worrying about his small stature. He's not small b/c something is wrong. He's small b/c that's how he is. That's how God made him. And he's perfect :o) Let me tell you, having a small child certainly has it's advantages: easy to carry, rarely have to move up a size in clothing=rarely buying new clothes, smaller diapers are cheaper, perhaps we can work the system and let him travel as a lap child for longer since he looks so young! Okay, so maybe that last one isn't true, but the others are!

I feel more excited for this baby now. Maybe not as excited as i was for billy. I'm still very anxious about how it will all work out (with a toddler, sleep deprivation, a husband on shift, hormonal issues etc...), but i have been looking at the future with this baby in a more positive light. Don't get me wrong, there wasn't a point where i outright didn't want to be pregnant. It's just that i kept focusing on how hard it will be. But lately, I've been trying to focus on how great it will be. Specifically watching the 2 kiddos play together, and watching another little miracle hit all the incredible milestones.

Wow that was a long post! Maybe i should start posting little posts but more often...probably not gonna happen :o)

I am no good at this!

Man. It has been so long since i've done a billy update. I think i'm using facebook as my updater a little too much. I'll try my best to change that from here on out! That could be hard though since...


WE'RE EXPECTING!!! the little mister or miss (cross your fingers for that "miss") will be here around Nov 14th!

Yeah, I know to most of you (all 4 of you that read this), this is old news. But i have to document it somewhere other than facebook! And Lord knows i am not going to actually grab a pen and write this stuff down :o)

So yeah, i'll try to be more frequent with my posts, but that may be hard since i just started a job as a nanny (love it) and i've been feeling pretty nauseous rather often lately!

Billy will be one, a whole year, in just a few days. I know its mostly hormones, but that thought makes me want to cry. I mean BAWL. The first few months with billy were pretty rough, but then time just started flying by, and that breaks my heart! I'm trying to make a point to really focus on him, to try really hard to save these memories, before the 3 of us turn into the 4 of us! Don't get me wrong, I am THRILLED we will soon have another little baby to love, but the thought of not being able to spend as much focused time on Billy breaks my heart. I know it'll be good for him: he'll gain more independence, and eventually have a partner in crime (amongst many other things). But it still makes me a little bit sad. And guilty. Sad that i will probably miss out on things i would have noticed without the sleep deprivation and distraction of another kiddo. And guilty that we've brought this on him (what sometimes seems like) too early. I'm going to make a concentrated effort to take more picture of the 2 of us (and daddy when he's not working, poor daddy) so that we have them to look back on some day (since i seem to have the memory of a goldfish, haha). Like i said, i'm sure its the hormones making me feel this way, but that doesnt make it any easier!!

I'd like to keep this as a special place strictly for billy memories, but i think it'd be silly to have a blog for each kiddo... So, the address and title of this blog will stay the same for now, but i'm sure i'll be changing it in the near future!

I should really get some sleep before the next wave of nausea hits :o) Nite!

So much to catch up on!

Once again, it's been months since i posted. Watching 2 kids while trying to cook and clean (and catch up on my favorite shows, haha) doesn't leave a whole lot of time for posting! I'll post the highlights of Christmas later (maybe?), but here is a video of billy's latest skill!




He took a few more "steps" (i am not sure what to call the individual movements involved in crawling...) before I could find the camera. He still prefers to army crawl, but every once in a while he'll sneak this in!