Reflecting

Today was Billy's second Easter. I was thinking today about how different this Easter was compared to last Easter. Most obviously, Billy has gotten MUCH bigger and so independent. Last Easter he was only a few days old and was held 90% of the time. This year, he wanted to crawl all over the place and didn't want to sit still for more than 30 seconds! Kyle and I have changed a lot too. This time last year we were so insecure about our every move as parents, and doubted ourselves constantly. This year, we move fluidly through every situation, and rely on each other when one of us gets that insecure feeling. Maybe I should have noticed these things more around his birthday, but there was so much going on. I think now that he has been cleared of any metabolic disease/disorder (thank the Lord), my mind is much clearer :o) This year brought so many struggles, but together as a family, we dealt with everything much better than I would have thought. It has brought Kyle and I even closer. And it has most definitely strengthened our bond with and faith in God. Although I am still racked with anxiety about how another little one will change our world, I find comfort in our new "abilities" and especially in our faith in God. We can do everything in Him who gives us strength.

Okay, serious portion over :o) Here are some updates:

Billy got his 3rd tooth today! It's on the top, to the left of the middle. How silly that will look if it fully makes it's way through before the other 3! Then we might have to call him hill billy :o)

My daytime sickness seems to have disappeared. However, night sickness has taken it's place. I feel pretty nauseous every night right around bedtime. Screw you, hormones! Not baby, HORMONES! :o) (knocked-up, anyone?)

Kyle and I were hoping for a few weeks for this little bambino to be a girl, but we've sort-of flip-flopped. Of course EVERYONE says they just want a healthy baby, doesn't matter if it's a boy or a girl. Duh. But honestly, we don't have a preference this time. We're thinking we want a girl eventually, so if this is her, GREAT! But, Billy also NEEDS a baby brother to rough house with...so if this is a boy, GREAT! So, waiting for the gender ultrasound is really not something I am counting down to. All it will really do is determine how i decorate his/her room (b/c the grandparents will go crazy buying anything else we'd need). And I don't even want to think about what effort that would take right now...i'm exhausted. Always. Naps are my favorite.

Like i briefly mentioned before, Billy has been cleared of any metabolic disorder. So officially he has "non-categorical epilepsy." Basically all we can do is assume that his brain was/is growing at such a rapid rate that "wires" got crossed, resulting in seizure activity. Hopefully in november we can discuss taking him off his meds :o) This is also a great diagnosis b/c now we can stop worrying about his small stature. He's not small b/c something is wrong. He's small b/c that's how he is. That's how God made him. And he's perfect :o) Let me tell you, having a small child certainly has it's advantages: easy to carry, rarely have to move up a size in clothing=rarely buying new clothes, smaller diapers are cheaper, perhaps we can work the system and let him travel as a lap child for longer since he looks so young! Okay, so maybe that last one isn't true, but the others are!

I feel more excited for this baby now. Maybe not as excited as i was for billy. I'm still very anxious about how it will all work out (with a toddler, sleep deprivation, a husband on shift, hormonal issues etc...), but i have been looking at the future with this baby in a more positive light. Don't get me wrong, there wasn't a point where i outright didn't want to be pregnant. It's just that i kept focusing on how hard it will be. But lately, I've been trying to focus on how great it will be. Specifically watching the 2 kiddos play together, and watching another little miracle hit all the incredible milestones.

Wow that was a long post! Maybe i should start posting little posts but more often...probably not gonna happen :o)